Dating, Who Needs It?
by Yawning
Summary: What's scarier than a blind date? How about a jealous would be boyfriend.


_Standard Disclaimer: Don't own any part of GW series...Pro-Relena and Heero.  
* Denotes personal POV._

  
  
**Dating, who needs it? by Yawning and Co-written by Kelly_Pure**

*Oh, Heero. Stupid jerk* Relena thought as she tossed and turned in her bed. Thinking about obsessing about him again.

"Lena, how are you doing?" a gentle voice rang out and broke my concentration.

Lifting her head up, she saw her sister-in-law enter her bedroom with her best friend Hilde behind her. Both brunettes, they could honestly pass for sisters. They even wore similar t-shirts and jeans today. Except one was red while the other was orange. Black hair and similar blue eyes, they were readily teased about being twins separated at birth. Also their fetishes for men with obscenely long locks was also taken into account. 

Relena smiled as they came to sit on her bed with her. Still dressed in her purple pajama's, she was on a 'vacation' from her duties as Vice Foreign Minister. Okay, she had a 'slight' problem lately with her stress levels. Seems her schedule was too much for a normal human being, causing moodiness and sleep issues. Nothing brings home a point more than falling asleep during a   
meeting or throwing things at her brother because he simply drank up all the milk in the house. Overwork and a certain someone had driven her to this. 

"I'm fine. Really." Relena said, hoping they would believe the lie.

"How about you getting dressed and we all go out today? Maybe some shopping?" Noin suggested. With Relena forced to take a mini vacation, Noin and Milliardo had been staying at her mansion to watch over her and hopefully keep her out of trouble.

"Yeah, let's hit the streets. Maybe pick up some cute guys." Hilde grinned. 

The two women laughed at that. Everyone knew Hilde thought her boyfriend Duo Maxwell walked on water. Living together for the past few years, they were literally inseparable. In fact, you couldn't even call them boyfriend and girlfriend anymore. They were engaged to marry in the Spring. Thinking of that, Relena became depressed. Stupid Heero... 

"Relena, what's wrong?" Noin questioned. She reached out and took the younger girls hand in hers. Patting it, she looked on in concern. 

"Heero again?' Hilde nodded, knowingly. 

Sighing, Relena could only flop down on the bed. Pulling a pillow over her face she screamed dramatically into it. 

"Hsh amays ny ptrkcm" she replied, though it was muffled by the pillow. 

"Huh?" Noin asked. 

"I think she said he's always my problem." Hilde answered with a shrug. When Relena lifted the pillow away, she was nodding in agreement. 

"Maybe it's time to move on Relena. Start dating other men." Noin said. Even though she thought Heero and Relena were perfect for one another, she didn't like the idea of the young girl waiting around for him. She sure knew Milliardo didn't like it. Four years was a long time. Too long. She was furious with the young man for continuing to make Relena think there could be more to the relationship.

"What?! But they belong together. Heero will come around." Hilde protested. Her face became red as the top she was wearing as she got upset with her friend. 

"When? When she's old and dried up? I'd say four years is too long." Noin griped. 

"She's right." 

Hearing that, Noin and Hilde turned their heads to Relena in shock. She looked at them with a sheepish expression. A sad expression. Like she had given up. 

"I can't wait forever." Relena said. "I'm tired of waiting around, Hilde. Dead tired."

"I have the perfect solution." Noin smiled. 

Hilde loudly protested, but was ignored by the two women as Noin eagerly went over her idea. All she knew was she had a feeling all hell would break loose when 'he' found out.

********* 

Date One: 

One week later it was a totally different situation. "One date, she said! You need to meet other men, she said!" Relena grumbled to herself. Unlocking her front door, she nodded politely to the security team assigned to her for the night. The date had been a disaster. Even though extremely handsome, Robert had the personality of a brick. But she promised she would at least try. If she   
kept waiting around for Heero, she'd end up one of those lonely old women with fifty cats in her home, smelling of kitty litter and coughed up hair balls. 

It had started out nice. He had picked her promptly at seven in a stunning grey suit to match his eyes. The shiny black hair and dimpled cheeks reminded her of a model. He was a looker...and he had known it too. But personality aside, the date had been wrought with bad luck. First Robert's tires had been flat when they got to the car. A limo drive from Pagan had fixed that problem. Then at the restaurant it just got worse. Their reservations had been canceled for some unknown reason. That should have been an omen. 

"And then I won the case. The prosecutor had no real evidence. I'm proud to say I've never lost." Robert gushed. 

*My God! How can one man talk about himself for so long? He's been talking for twenty minutes straight! Doesn't his mouth ever get tired? I wonder if I can slip out of here to the limo without him noticing?* Relena wondered to herself. 

"So Relena, tell me about yourself. Something the public doesn't know." Robert smiled as he scooped up his cream of mushroom soup. 

"Well, I love to ride horses when I have the time. I've even bought a horse na-Um, what is that?' Relena questioned her date. 

Pointing at his bowl she saw something hanging from his spoon. Covered in thick soup, it glopped down in a oozing mess. Picking it up, Robert examined it closely. It was brown and stringy and-ew! It was hair! A long, long piece of hair! 

After that revelation and the loud scene it caused, Relena had the opportunity to esc-go home early to rest. 

  
Date Two: 

Relena paced back and forth in the hospital waiting room. Poor Eric. Her second date had turned out as horrible as the first. Eric Summers was a handsome Greek God with long blond hair and crystal blue eyes. Well...he had been at the start of the date. He actually was a nice fellow. Good looking and charming. Unfortunately he didn't have much of a spark. The wild beating heart and   
intense feelings she got from Heero just wasn't there with Eric. Damnit! She was starting to think she was cursed. 

"Ms. Darlian?" a voice broke Relena from her musings. She turned and saw a pleasant looking nurse probably in her late fifties enter the waiting area. 

"How is he?" Relena asked, anxiously. 

"He'll be fine. The shellfish caused some terrible hives but other than that, he'll recover. You can go see him now." the nurse smiled. 

Relena sighed in relief. Just hives. Nothing contagious or fatal. "Thank you." 

When the nurse led her to the room, Relena walked cautiously inside. Poor Eric laid sadly in the hospital bed. No longer the Greek God. More like the bloated corpse. It was kind of intriguing to see someone's head blow up twice it's normal size. All red, puffy and bloated. Like a balloon. 

Sitting on the side of the bed, she gave him a smile and patted his swollen hands in sympathy. 

"Sorry about the date, Relena." Eric mumbled. 

"That's okay, Eric. Just get better soon." she said. 

"Thanks. I just don't understand it? How could I have a reaction to shellfish? We were eating hamburgers for Christ sake?' Eric wondered, shrugging his shoulders. 

That was another thing Relena puzzled over...how did this happen? 

  
Date Three: 

"Okay, something is going on here. I know it!" Relena mumbled to herself in anger. Slamming down the phone, Relena sat down wearily on her bed. Peter Thomas, her so called date had just gotten arrested for outstanding warrants! He actually called her from the police station to bail him out. Not likely! She knew Noin would never set her up with a criminal. But here she was stuck   
home before it was even 8 o'clock! Was it a conspiracy? Was God trying to tell her something? 

Reaching for her remote, Relena settled down for another boring evening alone. 

  
Date Four:   
  
Kicking her date in the groin for groping at her breast, Relena cursed. Having five ex-Gundam pilots as friends and an insanely protective brother helps. She shook her head as her body guards came closer intent on bodily harm to her date. So much for her date! Doug Howell turned out to be a semi-breast freak in nice clothing. He'd been unsubtly manhandling her since they met ten minutes ago. This would definitely be her second shortest date yet. All her dates had been with stupid jerks. Well, except for poor Eric. That had not been his fault. 

Casually stepping over the man writing on the floor, Relena headed for entrance. The restaurant was deserted except for staff members. Being VFM helped out a lot at times. This wasn't one of them. She had wanted a nice, quiet, uneventful evening. What she got was an octopus with the I.Q of a container of spam! 

It was only when she got to her limo, she remember her purse. Quietly fussing herself out, she headed back to the restaurant. When she got inside, she was puzzled by the large crowd of workers standing around in a huddle. Her guard Maurice, a serious but gentle man, held her back as he gestured for his partner David to see what was the commotion. Going over, David nudged the crowd back. After a couple of minutes, he told Relena and Maurice to come over. Relena gasped at what she saw. 

Doug Howell was lying on the floor still writhing in pain, but she knew it had nothing to go with her hit from earlier. His face was a canvas of black and blue. Bruises were everywhere. His left eye was puffy and swollen, blood ran down his nostrils...what in the world? 

"What happened? Maurice questioned a young waiter. 

"Don't have a clue. After she left, we all went inside to clean up. We left him out here and when I came out again, he was lying there. I don't know who beat the crap out of him? We weren't even gone that long." the waiter shrugged. 

Everyone in the room talked amongst themselves before a manager announced he would call an ambulance. Maurice and David led Relena away. 

*I had a sneaky feeling I knew what the heck was going on with my dates.* 

  
Date Five: 

*This was my last date. Not because I'm giving up, but more because I couldn't in good conscious put another man through hell. Even if he deserved it. All of my dates had ended with something horrible befalling each man. Hair in the food, an allergic reaction, jail, and a nasty beat down. Unless I had the worse luck in history, someone was sabotaging me. And only one man would be sneaky enough to pull it off every time.* 

Relena's poor date tonight was luckily an old friend. A friend with no romantic interest in her. A friend who would send a certain sneaky jerk out of hiding.   
  
Nick DePassuo arrived promptly at seven. Already abreast of the plan, he was more than happy to help out a friend. Nick was the polar opposite of Heero in every way. Blond, tall and a real sweety. He could talk with the best of them but wasn't boring like Robert had been. After chatting it up for an hour, they set out for their date. They were eating at the newest and trendiest restaurant called Little Havana. 

"I'm not going to end up sleeping with the fishes, am I?" Nick whispered to Relena. 

Relena bent close and softly laughed while shaking her head no. Heads touching, Nick and Relena whispered as they looked around the room. To others watching them it looked like an intimate moment between lovers. To one person in particular, it enraged. 

Relena knew she looked stunning. Her honey blond hair was loose and unadorned. Slightly curly, her hair cascaded down her back. She had on the bare minimum of makeup and her sexy blue of the shoulder halter dress hugged her curves like second skin. *Eat your heart out Heero!* 

When she felt that creepy feeling of being watched, she knew HE was somewhere in the restaurant. Unlike before on her dates, she hadn't been in toon with her Heero radar. But now she was. 

"He's here." Relena whispered. 

Nick winked at before grasping her hands and kissing all over it. Relena fought back her laughter as her friend pressed exaggerated kisses all over her hands. This went on for a couple of minutes before Nick pulled out the kicker. Releasing her palms, he slid out of his seat onto the floor. 

Reaching inside his black jacket pocket, he pulled out an engagement ring. In actuality, it was real. It just belonged to his real fiancee Marie, who had thankfully agreed with the plan. 

"Relena, will you marry m-" Nick began before he was violently interrupted. Out of nowhere, Heero sprang and punched Nick to the ground. People started screaming and jumping from their chairs. 

"Heero!" Relena gasped, jumping out of her seat. She had been expecting him to show up at the table and maybe start an argument with her. Not hit her friend! Damnit! Why hadn't she thought of that? 

Heero panted as he glared at the guy in front of him. He was filled with such anger he wanted to pound the other guy into the floor. Unfortunately he was unconscious. Wimp! 

"How could you?" Relena snapped at him. 

He turned and glared back at her. "How could I? How could you? Dating all these assholes! What are you thinking?" 

"Maybe I wouldn't have to date other people if I had a clue about what you feel! You know how I feel for you, but you always push me away! I've had it. I'm not waiting forever for you, Yuy!" Relena growled. 

Bending down, she knelt by her unconscious friend. His eye was already starting to swell and turn blue. Poor Nick. Reaching out, she grabbed the ring box. She'd never forgive herself if she lost Marie's ring. She owed the couple even more now after this fiasco. 

"You've had one damn date and he's proposing! This guy is-" Heero's eyes narrowed as she held the unconscious boy in her arms. 

"At least he can decide." Relena said, turning her head away from him. Maurice came forward and effortlessly picked up Nick in his arms. With the huge size and weight differential between them, it looked like a father carrying his sleeping child. 

As hard as it was, Relena walked out of the restaurant with her body guard without a backwards glance. Pagan held open the back seat door as Maurice gently laid Nick down. 

"Relena!" Heero angrily yelled. 

"You've systemically ruined all of my dates, Heero. If you don't want me seeing other people, you better just come out and say it. If you can't tell me how you really feel, then we have nothing more to say. Come see me when you grow up, Heero." Relena said. 

She pulled the door handle from Pagan and slammed it shut. As the limo drove away, Heero clenched his hands in agony. And unknown to him, a newspaper reporter had eaten at Little Havana.... 

************ 

Yawning as she climbed down the stairs, she staggered into the kitchen. She wasn't much of a morning person really. And being on vacation, she slept in every opportunity. Seeing the morning newspaper on the counter, Relena reached for it. When she opened it, she was shocked speechless. 

Vice Foreign Minister Love Triangle! The story went on to discuss the proposal by an unnamed gentleman at the Little Havana restaurant last night and how a fight had broken out between two men over her. 

The loud ringing of her phone took her attention away from the papers headlines. It had to be Milliardo. 

"Oh dear." Relena said, running her hand over her eyes. 

************ 

*Stupid Heero! I can't even have a normal date, yet everyone and their dog is getting married.*

Relena groaned as she gazed down at the wedding invitation. I was the fifth one this month. Was something in the water? If it was, she sure wanted a drink. That jerk, Heero. Off on another mission without a word. He ruined all her dates and then had the audacity to run away. She was starting to think he led a double-double life. Maybe he wasn't on a mission after all. Super spy/assassin to his friends...he probably was a boring paper pusher with a wife, five kids and a mortgage in real life.

"So how is your fiance?" 

Jerking around in shock, she looked in the direction the voice had come from. And there he stood...the rat. Her balcony window was open and he was leaning against the marble railing. Damn him for looking as gorgeous as the day she laid eyes on him. He even more so in a blue shirt tucked into obscenely tight jeans that made his eyes more attractive. Intense. Hot. 

"I'm sorry. Have we met?" Relena said, putting the invitation down on her desk. She looked at him disdainfully as he lounged at her balcony window. He always amazed in his ability to break into her place. She had the best security in the world...just not against Heero. 

Heero scowled as she looked coldly at him. "Don't play games, Relena." 

"Play games? Why I'm being most serious. You come in and out of my life so much...what was your name again? Harry? Hamlet?" Relena snapped. She walked from back of the desk and refused to look at him. Sitting down on her bed, she laid back and cut on her television, effectively ignoring him. 

Heero silently cursed as she continued pretending he wasn't there. This wasn't the welcome he'd been expecting. Hell, he'd hauled ass back home once the news of Relena's 'dating' had gotten back to him. He'd used every trick in the book besides murder to ruin her dates. The hell he'd let another man date her! Ever. 

"I came back for you." 

Relena jerked her gaze from the set when he spoke. When he strolled away from the balcony towards her, her heart sped up. Darn him! 

"I don't want your excuses, Harry." Relena snapped at him when he sat down near the head board. He put his arms on both sides of her, caging her in. 

"Heero! The names Heero. Damnit, Relena. Don't push me." he snarled in frustration. 

"You have a lot of nerve, HARRY! You only come back when it's convenient for you!" Relena yelled. Not intimidated by his anger, she pushed at his chest. 

Heero grabbed her up into his arms and gave a quick shake. "I came back for you, stupid." 

"Why?" she asked. She pushed again and he released his hold, but still kept his arms around her. 

"Because I happen to l-happen to." Heero stuttered to complete his sentence. Her angry glare didn't help him say what needed to be said any quicker. 

Relena had an idea what he was going to say, but didn't feel the need to make it any less painful for him. He deserved it for making her wait so long. 

"Sometime this century if you please." Relena said coldly, although she was secretly smiling. 

Running a hand through his spiky, brown bangs he sighed. "I love you, okay. Damn, this isn't easy for me, you know." 

*Yes! Finally! Thank you, God!* Relena inwardly screamed in happiness She remained quiet for a few minutes as she let it sink in. His face was a stoic as always, but his eyes were another story. Intense. Nervous. And he wouldn't say it unless he meant it. Leaning back, she gently picked up his hand. It was hard and rough. He had calluses. And it was the best feeling in the world. 

"I love you too. But then you knew that." Relena smiled. Then giggled when he let out a barely heard relieved breathe. 

Heero couldn't take his eyes away from her. She was the most beautiful girl he'd ever known. And the most stubborn, hard headed and brave woman. Only a woman with a heart of gold and personality of steel would put up with him. 

"About this fiance?' Heero growled. 

"You should know I'm not engaged for real. Your meddling is what caught the media's attention. So it's really all your fault." Relena smirked at his disgruntled expression. 

Grumbling to himself, he tried to keep a smile from his face. She gently stroked his hand and he fell in love with her even more. 

"Just so you know. If you hear about that guy Nick's tires being flat and his car keyed...I was with you at the time." Heero said bluntly. 

Relena blinked and then blinked again, before breaking out into laughter. Poor Nick. She really owed him big now. Let it be known never, ever mess with a ticked off Heero Yuy! It just wasn't safe. When he pulled her close and kissed her, Nick and the whole dating mess was the furthest thing from her mind... 

  
  
  
  
THE END! 

  
  
  
  
  
  
**Hope you liked it. I'm not the best with humor so my gal Kelly_Pure hooked me up and helped me write this and post it at FFN. I'm more of the lemon/smut writer and luckily she rained me in...sigh. ^_~**


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